Rejection hurts. We've all felt it at some point in our lives- whether it be relationships, friendships, jobs, even the rejection of ideas or what we believe in. My name is Aimee and I too, have been rejected. You could say it's not great for my brand to share that. I argue that it demonstrates resilience and that I'm confident enough to put myself out there DESPITE fear of rejection. How's that for a re-frame?

Even writing this article puts me at risk of rejection. In 2020 I went through the journey of 'the new job search'. I know from my timeline and through conversations with peers and friends that I definitely wasn't alone in this. Like many, I derive so much of my personal value and motivation from work. I love what I do, and I'm really bloody good at it. There is a lot that I tie up within work and how it makes me feel, which of course when you're putting yourself out there for a new job, can lead to a bit of a minefield with confidence and emotions.

After reading post after post from talented people that I look up to talking about giving up their job search, or talking of how despondent they are, I wanted to share some stories. I am a big believer in vulnerability = power/ strength. So here goes...During my job hunting process last year, and in years before that, I faced rejection. My experiences taught me so much about what I value in an organisation and a role, and specifically meant I was much more careful about what I was looking for. I've even built relationships with hiring managers afterwards despite the interview not working out, we are grown ups and value our connection and experience after all.

I've also had feedback that could have absolutely turned me upside down had I not learnt how to handle it.I once interviewed somewhere and was told by the hiring manager, in the interview, that I was perfect and they'd offer the job immediately if they could. The conversation was one of the best I have ever had- it was like I had found the people who spoke my language! They loved my ideas, they responded brilliantly to my plan for L&D, we just clicked.

I was then ghosted for 4 days.

Dear reader, I did not get the job.

They instead offered someone with specific industry experience, and they informed me via LinkedIn messenger after 3 rounds of intense interviews.

Then there was the time I applied for a role which I thought could have been the dream one, only to be told by the hiring manager they didn't understand my 'career decisions' and could I explain them. They said they were desperate for someone with creativity and innovation, so I decided instead of answering their Q&A sheet I would write a letter, the story of how I got here if you will. I talked about my creative thinking process, my love of design, and brought in my experience working in creative industries. I put a lot of time into it, and I personalised it to the hiring manager based on what I knew they were looking for. The feedback, having not even spoken to me once, was that I was too boring.

A HIRING MANGER, IN A PANDEMIC, THOUGHT IT WAS A GOOD IDEA TO TELL A CANDIDATE THEY WERE BORING.

I was rejected from another role purely because I didn't have a coaching qualification, and the other less experienced person did. I've been rejected on the basis I am too junior, too senior, my career history is too varied, I'm not specialist enough, I am too generalist, I am too focused on strategy and too ambitious. The point is, I've been rejected but not because there is anything wrong with me- that organisation just wasn't right for me. It doesn't make the organisation evil, it just means it wasn't meant to be.

We need to try as much as we can to not take rejection personally, because oftentimes it really isn't.How did I react when I got the feedback about being boring? My first response was to tell the feedback giver that I was insulted, naturally.

The next was to laugh. I then let my girlfriends know in a drawn out and (in my opinion) hilarious voice note. Then, I moved on. I don't always laugh though.The interview where I was told on the spot they'd hire me immediately if they could, that one hurt.

I've since learned that the pain associated with rejection is an actual scientific thing. When we experience rejection and pain, the same area of our brain is activated in each instance. That one hurt because I felt seen and appreciated by the hiring manager. I felt we really got each other, and it was a role I felt I could really grow in and a team that culturally, I would really belong to.

See the words I used there? Seen, belong, grow. These are all really emotive and really important feelings to acknowledge when considering our emotional responses to things. They're all valid when we consider what we want from a role, a relationship, or an experience. We shouldn't compromise on them either.The key to resilience and growth, for me, is knowing when to pursue or to let go.

We grow through what we go through. Rejection is a superpower. If we can re-frame rejection, it can help us confront, own and deal with the emotions associated with it so we can pick ourselves back up and keep on keeping on. It can help us work out what we really want from a situation, and help us streamline our approach and refine it for next time. There is plenty we can do to help ourselves in the moment too.

Exercise, eating well, talking to friends, meditation, and adequate time to reflect and re-frame can help us enormously. When I was first trying to get into L&D from teaching and I felt like I was getting nowhere, I turned to reading, engaging in online communities, and grabbing as many opportunities to learn and understand what was missing from my CV from people on the ground. I've also had a few people reach out recently asking for tips on how to adjust their CV for L&D. This is an amazingly resilient way to figure out how to re-brand and pitch yourself to a new industry, do that more! (I am always, always happy to help too)

Don't be afraid to connect with people, ask questions, and be open to feedback. I'll caveat it this with reminding you that if you're going to ask for feedback, you need to be ready for it. You don't have to accept it as truth, but if there are valid points you can use to grow from then grab them. Feedback is a gift after all. We learn a lesson from literally everything we experience if we quieten down and just listen. It's not easy, I know.

You can keep going though, the perfect job/ relationship/ experience is out there for you. It's only a matter of time.